Why Do Men Have Affairs and Why Most Information Is Wrong
I have read a lot of relationship advice about why married men have affairs. Some will tell you that men will cheat because they are hard-wired to do so and that they have no control or responsibility over what choices they make. Others will tell you that all males will only cheat as a result of a explicit set of reasons like: because he is able to, it's thrilling, he is having a midlife crisis, or any quantity of other stuff.
I do not really like this type of information. Not only is it offensive as it ignores human free will and assumes that all guys will behave the same way in any specific circumstance, but it also groups men together into one class.
You and I both know that all males aren't the same. There are shy men and outgoing men. There are charming men and brash men. Men are people, just the same as you and I. They have their own unique motivations based on who they may be and the experiences that they've been through.
It is surprisingly ineffective to try to label the causes of affairs with some straightforward list of 4 reasons (or whatever).
But I'll tell you what often lies at the bottom of all these external reasons for an affair. It is unmet emotional desires.
When a guy feels that he doesn't get all of his emotional desires met in a marriage, he may begin to experience stuff like a midlife crisis or a desire to be with other ladies. Let's accept it, guys who are happy with their lives and their relationships don't cheat.
You see, if a person has a deep emotional need that's left unmet, he is going to be drawn to any person and anything that will offer to meet that need.
As an example, let's imagine a man has an unmet need to feel respected and let's say that he isn't getting that from his wife. He might not know that he has this need within him. It could all be unconscious.
But as quickly as the new secretary at work begins to give him that respect that he feels is short of his private life, he will not help but feel a touch spellbound by her. He may not have the intention of cheating, but he'll just feel attracted to her for some unknown reason.
From there it is a downward slope from crush to flirting, emotional affairs, and a physical affair.
All this due to a simple unmet emotional need.
So an affair actually starts due to a problem in the relationship. If you focus on improving communication, learning how to love again, and developing truth with what is working and what isn't working you can stop an affair before it even starts or learn what caused one in the first place.
I do not really like this type of information. Not only is it offensive as it ignores human free will and assumes that all guys will behave the same way in any specific circumstance, but it also groups men together into one class.
You and I both know that all males aren't the same. There are shy men and outgoing men. There are charming men and brash men. Men are people, just the same as you and I. They have their own unique motivations based on who they may be and the experiences that they've been through.
It is surprisingly ineffective to try to label the causes of affairs with some straightforward list of 4 reasons (or whatever).
But I'll tell you what often lies at the bottom of all these external reasons for an affair. It is unmet emotional desires.
When a guy feels that he doesn't get all of his emotional desires met in a marriage, he may begin to experience stuff like a midlife crisis or a desire to be with other ladies. Let's accept it, guys who are happy with their lives and their relationships don't cheat.
You see, if a person has a deep emotional need that's left unmet, he is going to be drawn to any person and anything that will offer to meet that need.
As an example, let's imagine a man has an unmet need to feel respected and let's say that he isn't getting that from his wife. He might not know that he has this need within him. It could all be unconscious.
But as quickly as the new secretary at work begins to give him that respect that he feels is short of his private life, he will not help but feel a touch spellbound by her. He may not have the intention of cheating, but he'll just feel attracted to her for some unknown reason.
From there it is a downward slope from crush to flirting, emotional affairs, and a physical affair.
All this due to a simple unmet emotional need.
So an affair actually starts due to a problem in the relationship. If you focus on improving communication, learning how to love again, and developing truth with what is working and what isn't working you can stop an affair before it even starts or learn what caused one in the first place.
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