The First Date: Romance or Interview
Every single who is involved with online dating knows the deal: Good online connection feels promising. But, it's not until the two of you meet in person that the discovery of any real chemistry or possibility of romantic relationship is determined.
And people often feel a lot of pressure in anticipation of that pivotal first date. There's much to decide: What is the best venue? What are the easiest topics of conversation? Should you attempt any kind of physical interaction? Should you view the process as more romantic or more like an interview?
It has been said that the first date experience can be one of the most anxiety-provoking situations that we might ever encounter. A reason for this is that we place a great deal of importance on, and are heavily invested in the outcome. Indeed, in many cases, our relationship future will be able to be traced to performance in this all important first meeting.
Sometimes a first date can lead to a healthy dating relationship and beyond; sometimes, after a few more dates, you go down in flames. An important key to maximize the probability that the first kind of result happen involves more than just facilitating relaxed conversation. It means being prepared with some well-chosen first-date questions.
While conventional first date doctrine may emphasize the idea that simple, genuine interest goes a long way, it is important to employ interest strategically. That is, use your opportunity for first date questions to discover if this person is your soul mate-or maybe not. Either way, it's exciting to be able to get to know another human being and get a peek into his or her world.
Here are some suggestions:
Open a space for a wide range of communication.
Use follow-up questions as a means to extend conversations.
Focus attention on the use of specific language.
Try to have the conversation not be taken up totally with "feel good fluffy"questions such as "what kinds of things make you laugh", "what's your favorite place in the entire world", "who is your best friend", and "what is your favorite movie of all time".
So, what are we trying to achieve on the first date? No, not (necessarily) a second date. There is a more important issue here, and that is to construct an attitude or approach to the first date that represents both "head-" and "heart-based" communication. Share the parts of life that you feel strongly about, then ask your date to do the same.
Mainstream perspective on dating holds that the last thing you want to do on a first date is conduct an interview. The current view expressed here flies in the face of that convention, espousing the idea that the optimum approach to first date communication combines the process of romantic connecting with clinical interview. The trick in carrying this off successfully is to disguise the latter while indulging in the former.
Above all else, a first date should be kept simple, low-key, relatively inexpensive and centered on enjoyable conversation. But more importantly, it needs to stay focussed, and on task: gently working into the conversation certain, key strategic questions that allow you to predict important underlying aspects of your date's potential for healthy romantic relationship.
And people often feel a lot of pressure in anticipation of that pivotal first date. There's much to decide: What is the best venue? What are the easiest topics of conversation? Should you attempt any kind of physical interaction? Should you view the process as more romantic or more like an interview?
It has been said that the first date experience can be one of the most anxiety-provoking situations that we might ever encounter. A reason for this is that we place a great deal of importance on, and are heavily invested in the outcome. Indeed, in many cases, our relationship future will be able to be traced to performance in this all important first meeting.
Sometimes a first date can lead to a healthy dating relationship and beyond; sometimes, after a few more dates, you go down in flames. An important key to maximize the probability that the first kind of result happen involves more than just facilitating relaxed conversation. It means being prepared with some well-chosen first-date questions.
While conventional first date doctrine may emphasize the idea that simple, genuine interest goes a long way, it is important to employ interest strategically. That is, use your opportunity for first date questions to discover if this person is your soul mate-or maybe not. Either way, it's exciting to be able to get to know another human being and get a peek into his or her world.
Here are some suggestions:
Open a space for a wide range of communication.
Use follow-up questions as a means to extend conversations.
Focus attention on the use of specific language.
Try to have the conversation not be taken up totally with "feel good fluffy"questions such as "what kinds of things make you laugh", "what's your favorite place in the entire world", "who is your best friend", and "what is your favorite movie of all time".
So, what are we trying to achieve on the first date? No, not (necessarily) a second date. There is a more important issue here, and that is to construct an attitude or approach to the first date that represents both "head-" and "heart-based" communication. Share the parts of life that you feel strongly about, then ask your date to do the same.
Mainstream perspective on dating holds that the last thing you want to do on a first date is conduct an interview. The current view expressed here flies in the face of that convention, espousing the idea that the optimum approach to first date communication combines the process of romantic connecting with clinical interview. The trick in carrying this off successfully is to disguise the latter while indulging in the former.
Above all else, a first date should be kept simple, low-key, relatively inexpensive and centered on enjoyable conversation. But more importantly, it needs to stay focussed, and on task: gently working into the conversation certain, key strategic questions that allow you to predict important underlying aspects of your date's potential for healthy romantic relationship.
About the Author:
Asking the right questions on a first date can make the all important difference in finding a healthy relationship vs dating that goes nowhere. For more information about the strategy of first date questions, visit www.FirstDateQuestions.net.